if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
