new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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