It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
