But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
