Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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