nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
