It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
