I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
