Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
