I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
