I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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