thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
