i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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