i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
