i just wanna soil my oats bro
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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