It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
