I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
