it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
