Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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