i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
