We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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