Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Please don't give away my fajitas
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