between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
