and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
