You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
