I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
