I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
