Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you win again, gameday.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
