Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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