think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
