her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
