i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
