no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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