can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
