I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
