Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize