TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
