I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my poor anus
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
