Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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