Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
