I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
