Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
