Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
