im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
