So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
