I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
