so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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