Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
