I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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