She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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