Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
