she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
