She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
