He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
