i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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