I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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