Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
