i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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