Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
