Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize