all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
