I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize