I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
