Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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