He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize