Quick, to the slutcave!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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