I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
