She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
