I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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