Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
